I’ve always heard people say that you’ll never love
anything as much as you love your child, and that it’s a ‘different kind of
love’ but I’ve always brushed it off. Then I had a small human. It took too
long of a time to get this little creature but finally she’s earthside. And I
kind of get it now.
We all have personality qualities that can be fantastic but
terrible or even undesirable. I may be known to be fiery (I like to say
passionate), unrivalled stubbornness and the word drama queen has been thrown
around a few times. Then I had a child and suddenly there’s a mini me in the
world. Sorry not sorry….
My fiery, stubborn princess is a force to be reckoned with
(already!) and I adore her sass. She was tiny and only now is starting to get
near average size for her age but how the hell her huge personality fits in
such a tiny package, I’ll never know. I adore this wild little girl who loves
me unconditionally (whilst simultaneously throwing food at me) BUT back we come
to the love topic.
I was so scared I’d love my husband less. A terrifying
thought because he is my universe. Well, turns out I don’t. It’s stupid how
thankful I am for that, yet I am. I want to explain how I don’t believe the
unwarranted advice from strangers is not the case at all. It took a good few
months of having a new born to realise that I’m a human before I’m a mother. I
know many people would chastise me for such a selfish statement but it’s true.
There are two sides to me now – the mother, and the human. The mother side of
me would burn the world to the ground for my daughter if needed. This is only
one side of me, though. I am human. Not really something you can deny.
Physically, I have necessary needs in order to function. There are also psychological
needs as well, these are no less important (as I have learned). I have dealt
with bad postnatal depression and anxiety – no shame, it happens. I nearly
destroyed myself trying to function without getting the help I needed.
Eventually, when I was nearly broken, I sought help. With the right help, I’m a
better mother, wife and overall a better person. Postnatal depression should
not be a taboo topic but that’s a story for another day. My husband is and
always will be my sun. He is my strength, he picks me up when I’m not sure I
can do it all anymore and he’s my rock. To my fiery, wild nature, he is a calm,
laid back man.
I love my daughter in an indescribable way but the love I
have for my husband has only increased. He is an amazing father and I’m in awe
of how he handles our small human when I hit my breaking point. As a mother, I
need to always be strong for my daughter, but he is MY strength and allows me
to be weak. For that, I am incredibly thankful.
Maybe we shouldn’t be inferring that you will love your
partner less once you have a child but instead tell people how your love can only
deepen once you bring that tiny human into your lives. I find it more
appropriate to say – if you think you can’t love your partner more, just wait
until that tiny human makes an appearance.