Ramblings of a Young Aussie Writer

A writer lost in her own imagination

Love You More, Love You Most – A mum post — November 7, 2019

Love You More, Love You Most – A mum post

I’ve always heard people say that you’ll never love anything as much as you love your child, and that it’s a ‘different kind of love’ but I’ve always brushed it off. Then I had a small human. It took too long of a time to get this little creature but finally she’s earthside. And I kind of get it now.

We all have personality qualities that can be fantastic but terrible or even undesirable. I may be known to be fiery (I like to say passionate), unrivalled stubbornness and the word drama queen has been thrown around a few times. Then I had a child and suddenly there’s a mini me in the world. Sorry not sorry….

My fiery, stubborn princess is a force to be reckoned with (already!) and I adore her sass. She was tiny and only now is starting to get near average size for her age but how the hell her huge personality fits in such a tiny package, I’ll never know. I adore this wild little girl who loves me unconditionally (whilst simultaneously throwing food at me) BUT back we come to the love topic.

I was so scared I’d love my husband less. A terrifying thought because he is my universe. Well, turns out I don’t. It’s stupid how thankful I am for that, yet I am. I want to explain how I don’t believe the unwarranted advice from strangers is not the case at all. It took a good few months of having a new born to realise that I’m a human before I’m a mother. I know many people would chastise me for such a selfish statement but it’s true. There are two sides to me now – the mother, and the human. The mother side of me would burn the world to the ground for my daughter if needed. This is only one side of me, though. I am human. Not really something you can deny. Physically, I have necessary needs in order to function. There are also psychological needs as well, these are no less important (as I have learned). I have dealt with bad postnatal depression and anxiety – no shame, it happens. I nearly destroyed myself trying to function without getting the help I needed. Eventually, when I was nearly broken, I sought help. With the right help, I’m a better mother, wife and overall a better person. Postnatal depression should not be a taboo topic but that’s a story for another day. My husband is and always will be my sun. He is my strength, he picks me up when I’m not sure I can do it all anymore and he’s my rock. To my fiery, wild nature, he is a calm, laid back man.

I love my daughter in an indescribable way but the love I have for my husband has only increased. He is an amazing father and I’m in awe of how he handles our small human when I hit my breaking point. As a mother, I need to always be strong for my daughter, but he is MY strength and allows me to be weak. For that, I am incredibly thankful.

Maybe we shouldn’t be inferring that you will love your partner less once you have a child but instead tell people how your love can only deepen once you bring that tiny human into your lives. I find it more appropriate to say – if you think you can’t love your partner more, just wait until that tiny human makes an appearance.

And I’m Back…… — October 16, 2019

And I’m Back……

After a long absence, I’m back! In my time away, I’m suddenly a lot older, not much wiser, started a new career and now have a tiny human to keep alive. So needless to say not too much has changed. Couped up with a toddler, I’ve sorely missed blogging and the need to share my daily child wrangling fun, writing experiences and crazy thoughts. My is burning into my fingertips yearn to document the crazy thoughts in my head.

Motherhood has changed me more than I thought it could. I didn’t realise that small humans were THAT helpless for THAT long! Being a stay at home mum has been bittersweet. I love my small human, she’s fantastic but I miss being able to be something other than a mum. I’m thankful that I’m studying my degree to be a teacher and have to use my intellect for more than just outsmarting a toddler.

Writing has taken a backseat as I focus on my degree, being domestic and wrangling the small human, and I’m devastated about that. I’m currently on a break which has given me the opportunity to fire up my blog again – even if it’s only for my own sanity.

My strange musings will be posted on this blog and I’d love to make blogging friends. Now to fix up the look of this blog and get writing!