2014-02-26T05:15:19+00:00

A love Shakespeare could only dream of – Dedicated to my husband <3

February 26, 2014/Charlotte Bull/Leave a comment

This is just some of my raw thoughts, I’m baring my naked soul in this writing. I apologise for any mistakes but this was written straight from the heart and I didn’t want to edit it. It is what it is.

This is dedicated to my amazing husband John Bull –

He held out his strong arms offering me the sanctity of his embrace. I more than happily obliged, being safe in his arms was what I sorely needed. I loved him more than anything I had ever known and the beating of his heart against my own pulled together to beat in sync. I was safe, I was loved and as long I was in his arms I always would be. Fleeting fears splattered through my head and I pressed against him trying to push them out. It was so hard to stop myself from letting these fears manifest into the sickening ideas they were. The ‘what if’s’ started to flood my mind and fear crawled into my previously calm heart. It was as though ice had slowly slide down my neck making my hair stand on end as it did. I felt sick, my stomach churned. I hated these thoughts, they plague me when I least expected it.

What would I do without him? What if he wasn’t there? What if something happened to him? My brain created an array of sickening scenes and theories that catch my breath in my chest. A million nightmares would be better than this. I can’t live without him. I know it, I know it more than anything. He is my life force, the one thing that tethers me to real life, the one thing that keeps me sane. Without him I’d fall apart, crumbling to pieces littering the ground, broken.

You make the stars shine, the sun flood me with it’s warmth and the calmness of night fall upon me. You are my world. I know you love me for everything that I am and I will never understand why but I’m so glad you do. Life before you seems like a lonely world of black and white compared to my life filled with a kaleidoscope of colours now. Together we are perfect, two souls that fit exactly together. You’ve made me understand and feel that complete, all consuming love, the love I’ve read about my whole life. I stumble but you won’t let me fall, you’re always there. There’s no coming back from this love, our love. I don’t know how to live without it and I doubt I could. When you die I want to be right there with you.

As if you sensed my fears enclosing around the happiness in my mind you squeezed me tighter, the feel of you pushed those fears back into the depths where they belong. Your lips grazed my forehead as you gave me a gentle kiss, saying more than words ever could. I am yours and you will always protect me, always. I’m not scared of death, I’m scared of life without you.

Loving you is more natural than breathing and with every beat of my heart I love you more. Forever is not long enough.

Where ever you are, that is my heaven

Review of Black: The Human Soul by Damon Rambo

February 26, 2014/Charlotte Bull/Leave a comment

Before I start I must say that I considered not writing this review and honestly I’m still not sure if I should but I need to empty my head of these thoughts plus I’m only one person and my opinion shouldn’t stop you from reading this book if you want to. My guilty conscience will plague after writing this but honesty is the best policy….. right??? So here goes and I’ll try and be as nice as I can.

I won this book on Goodreads – yay. I always try and read any books that I’m given and rate them. Unfortunately the copy of the book I received had no title on the cover and looked nothing like the cover shown on Goodreads. My copy only has a few words about the human soul and the author’s name. The plain black has a texture that as soon as I or anything else touches it, it leaves prints all over it. I figured that maybe because I got this book for free I wasn’t entitled to a proper copy. Unfortunately there is nowhere on the outside of the book that shows the title but I wasn’t deterred and started to read it.

I’m going to start of with the positives of this book –

There were parts of this book which were very well written and it really roped me in. I love the little dog – Sparky. I was pulled in to keep reading this book in places. The book only consists of about 160 pages of reading which is good because it won’t take long to read so you can have your own opinion of it.

****Warning there are spoilers if you read ahead****

I’ve tried but I honestly can’t find anymore positives…. I feel like such a nasty person being so critical of someone’s hard work but I got quite irritated and angry after reading this book. So here are the things that got to me –

The dedication runs down his own work so before you start you’re questioning the quality of this work. to quote “This pathetic effort of fiction, the best I can do” that to me put me off a little. The Introduction was well, it makes out this book will be psychotically scary and the amount of times the word ‘friend’ was used I felt like I was being pulled into a Nigerian money stealing scam (apologies if that’s offensive to anyone). So far I hadn’t even gotten to the first word of the first chapter and I’m already irritated. It starts off pulling the reader straight into a situation that sparks the curiosity but after a while its evident that giving us (the reader) any sort of life line in regards to what is going on would be too much to ask. We soon realise that the main character is a heartless pr*ck. Not my idea of a main character…. The book is very short and I felt compelled to finish it so onwards I ploughed. There’s a scene where he remembers what he assumes is his daughter talking to the wife/mother saying she wants to marry daddy. That to me really grossed me out. I’m not a parent as of yet but I’m not sure children say they want to marry their father? If so I might explain the differences of love and marriage to children when that time comes to pass.

So the man says stupid rude things and somehow the animals in the book understand english and are even able to have parts in the book where you know their thoughts (there isn’t anything alerting the reader to the change in point of view either). The wolves he insult somehow follow him and attack him. His loyal dog sacrifices itself for him and dies (yet another thing that irritated me). Although the man seems to question why he asks so callous and cold-hearted in the end any hope that he’s learnt anything at all from his journey is lost.

The ending –

He remembers that he’s a killer and killed the wife’s lover and his own child (albeit accidentally) and now he’s back to kill the wife. So after we learn that he kills the wife, he dies from the fire. After 150+ pages I now felt like I had learnt nothing from this story and just felt sour at the outcome. As a final nail in the metaphorical coffin, The last chapter which is probably under 100 words seems to hint at the reader that the little girl actually lived and is hiding in a bomb shelter…. I think the scene where she died tied up any loose ends and any possibilities that the girl could’ve lived so it didn’t make sense and seemed stupid. Of course there was a conclusion that basically says that sums up the book saying it was a ‘dark’ book but not about invented things instead about the darkness of the human soul (which wouldn’t have been so bad) EXCEPT that then it won’t on to say that we are all evil and lost.

By the time I finished the last word in this book I wanted to throw it at someone or something. I’ve read MANY many books but this one, it just made my blood boil. There was honestly no point to this book like AT ALL!!! It’s been a full day since I finished this book and I’m still really cranky about it.

Don’t take my opinion of it but it’s best to instead read it and make your own decisions about it.

This review is based solely on my opinion of this book and nothing else. I’m sure the author is nice guy and I’m sure there are other people who will actually enjoy it but unfortunately that’s not me. I’m really sorry for such a negative review but now it’s time for me to move onto the next book 🙂

When writers get lost in their own world….

February 12, 2014/Charlotte Bull/Leave a comment

I saw a great quote and now I’m compelled to blog.

I’m meant to be editing but I get very distracted and editing is not my most favourite pastimes. Facebook lures me in and I think I’ll only have a quick scroll but end up getting involved in it for hours. Blogging when I’m not writing is sometimes sooo nice when you need to pour words from your head onto some sort of space whether it be paper or a simple internet page. My recent drive to the middle of nowhere (South Australia) left ideas tumbling from my head and I’ve been desperate to catch them before they float away. (Ahhh analogies – words so sweet they rope in your imagination regardless of what you’re reading). So editing has been put aside and these ideas have spilled onto my page without even needing to think. I’m not sure about other writer but for me when I’m in love with a scene/s thats in my head the words appear on the page as though I am reading them rather than creating them. Its as though my head has already created the story and now I’m just reading it to my hand to put down on paper. To me its magical. Like a river that flows without pause. The words and story are there and there’s no need to ask for them. These stories want to be told, they want to be read by others and I’m simply the vessel that gives them that chance. Its a beautiful concept.

Last week there was a cooking accident which left me with a chunk missing out of my finger and a fair amount of bleeding which took quite a long time to stop. My husband who is fantastic in a crisis *note the sarcasm* ran around the kitchen pretending to get something to help. Ironically he was actually standing in front of a box of tissue but instead of giving me some he just ran around. Ahhh males, at least they’re good for some things – I think. So the top of my finger was left a little more pointy and wrapped in a lot of sticky bandage. This made it impossible to type – not a good thing when your heads overflowing with thoughts. I did what I knew I had to and that was sit down with a book and a pencil. I have terrible hand writing and for some reason I find it easier to write with a pencil. And so armed with my equipment I sat down and I wrote. I ignored life and ventured into my own world, where my stories where real and everything else is not.

My blog is about how when writing I go into my own world and in my ‘real’ life things just don’t seem as real or as important anymore. Of course I get lost in my thoughts when blog and I apologise to those reading (I feel so privileged when people read my thoughts) this crazy blog but back on course. I don’t know really any authors personal 😦 but I wonder if they get lost in their created worlds. My poor husband seems to understand my craziness and gives me space when I need to write – and when I say need to I MEAN need to. Well he talks about boring things that don’t exactly require a lot of participation in the conversation on my behalf. Whilst driving like thousands of kms the second book (I use that word because I have faith that I WILL make these manuscripts into books) sprawled out in front of me and mapped itself out. It’s not like perfectly mapped out by the storyline came to me and some important scenes played in my head. Thankfully I’m a skilled driver especially of the truck that I’ve owned for 7yrs now (its my baby and I bought it from new when I was like 19!) I’ve driven over 250,000kms in it so needless to say I know it better than the back of my hand and in saying that when I type I lok at my fingers and not the screen – the exact opposite of a normal typer but I always know when I’ve made a mistake that means I look at my hands a lot! Whilst I drove the truck in many parts of rural Aus there is absolutely NOTHING to look at. I mean you’ve seen one tree/bush you’ve seen them all the same with roos as long as they stay off the road. As I drove the ideas blossomed in my head. I know Alex (my main character) and she feels like a real person to me so I like to really create great stories for her ‘life’. I want them to shape her, make her stronger, make her learn about herself and what she’s capable of. The problem with wanting it to be a 4-5 book series is that it’s not until the end that she finally finds the guy she is meant to be with. I know who it is (after many hours fighting with myself about who it should be) but I don’t want it to be obvious because a lot of times that’s not how life works. Relationships can be hard and sometimes there are many events that one must endure before there is that one defining moment that says to you this is my soulmate and at the time you just KNOW. As corny as it sounds for me thats what happened – There was like a life altering moment when everything sort of clicked and I knew I needed this person in my life forever. It was a need not a want, a must not a might. I understand the say when two people just click. It felt like that and after that one moment in time I will do everything in my power to keep this man safe and above all happy because I love him that much. Its essential for my own well being that I make this perfect human happy because that’s what he deserves.

I know I got a bit too deep and sentimental but writing a book with love and turmoil in it can be hard when your real life relationship is just so sweet. I feel for Alex because in her future people are going to let her down but most of all she is going to let herself down. Will her life turn out happy? Well where the books stop it will but happiness is earnt as is love and it’s not without loss. She will face some really tough times but the person she becomes will be strong enough to handle it.

As you can tell I get lost in this fantasy world and whilst writing and thinking about it, it becomes hard to put all my focus into the real world. Ideas need time to grow and evolve and that all takes time, time which is meant to be spent on things like concentrating on cooking so as not to cut myself =P Around 6000 words later and I’m done writing down my ideas – for the moment. I’ve gone through many MANY pencils (I need to invest in a pencil sharpener as I’ve lost all of my old ones) and a book filled with scriggly writing covering the pages.

I will have my book Surrender ready to start the ebook process soon and I was thinking of maybe putting up a few blogs with exerts in them. I have no idea how long it will take to get my ebook ‘online’ so to speak and I’m sure I’ll need talented Beta readers soon but I want people to read the exerts and really be drawn in. I love all of the manuscripts I write although that’s usually after a lot of critism and changes. I did my first Beta reading a few weeks ago on a book Archipelago and intend on giving it a thorough review soon. It is an amazing book and I will definitely be buying a copy of it (wish I could get a signed copy but oh well).

Off to edit *sigh*

Australia – Crazy Deadly Beautiful

February 5, 2014/Charlotte Bull/Leave a comment

Being a truck driver has it’s advantages and it’s disadvantages like any other job but sometimes it’s a lot more extreme than other jobs. Part of our job (my husband is now part of the family business and we work together) is to do work for a very large oil drilling company. I’m proud to work for them as I know how finicky they are with everything and the extremes they go to, to protect the environment. I’ve seen the things they’ve done for farmers (they saved a farmers land and livestock from a bush fire which left the rig without fire extinguishes this meant the million dollar a day rig was closed until we delivered them new fire extinguishes). So on Friday afternoon we were called to do a 800km round trip out to the country – no big deal we do that often. We got home late and had to wake early saturday as we’d promised to hang out with good friends. So 5hrs sleep later we were at a motor show when we get a call. We have to leave striaght away and head to South Australia. That’s a 3400km round trip…. Thankfully our friends understood and we went home, packed then went to load and leave. Naturally we had a time limit – had to be there before monday…. nice! It’s pretty good money and money gives both my husband and I the luxury to follow our dreams. That didn’t mean we weren’t dreading it. I’ve done this trip a few times with my dad. The call these jobs “hotshots” and the oil company are very loyal to us because they know we always get things done without problems.On these hotshots you need 2 drivers to ensure you don’t have to stop for a break. We have a smaller truck than a Semi so it doesn’t have a sleeper cab – bugger! With two mattresses squashed behind the seats, 40+litres of water we left. We live in good old Queensland so for most of the trip we were in QLD (thank goodess – the roads are so much better). We are lucky in our job that we get to see Australia but certainly not at a leisurely pace. The poor little truck never stopped in 24hrs! It took us a full day of non-stop driving to finally get there. I was shocked at how much wildlife we saw. Naturally as soon as you travelling in any rural area you’re going to see kangaroos and wallabies. When you’re driving and they’re lining the side of the roads (they like the green grass that grows next to the road) you dread seeing them. Hitting an animal is always terrible but they can do A LOT of damage! My hubby John and I took turns driving whilst the other slept squashed behind the seats. When you’re that tired you don’t care where you sleep – Trust me!!! Then we saw a few wild pigs – never a good thing. These things are disgusting pests that are carnivores and even cannibals! If you hit one of those things could be very bad. A few wild goats and of course sheep later and we were close to the S.A. border. It’s hard to explain what northern S.A. looks like (I added some pics). It’s a desert nothingness. Daunting, scary and yet in many ways beautiful. We arrived at the tiny town 250km from the rig at sunrise. This town – Innaminka is like so tiny – there is a shop that is also a pub and a few rooms for accommodation as well as a fuel station (the fuel had dirt and crap all through it!) No phone reception, a hell of a lot of flies – you usually have at least 10 flies sitting on you at any one time no matter what you do. It’s surrounded by a vast desert of absolute nothingness. Seeing the sun rise into the darkness shedding light onto the bare plains was really stunning. S.A. only has a few animals that are stupid enough to be able to survive there – Crows, flies and Dingos. The dirt roads are so terrible I got “air time” multiple times while we drove along them. It’s not fun and things break and fall of the poor truck. We got to the rig and then stayed a few hours at the camp. An oil rig camp in the middle of absolutely nowhere is the craziest thing. Shipping containers have been made into soundproof cabins with 2 beds and air con with no light coming in at all. A kitchen, recreation room, internet, a dining room, a chef and a neat ablution building. These containers/buildings are all pushed together making a neat little house area that is up out of the dirt and pretty much luxury. A nice shower was very welcome as was a comfy bed and a professionally cooked meal. They have cleaners and people who do your washing. It’s better than a lot of hotels. All of this can be packed up within a day and moved, never leaving any sign of life in their wake. Crazy stuff. I don’t know how it works especially when they have clean water – in the middle of the dessert. The top of S.A. is oil rig dominated to the point of there being a town Moomba where you need clearance to enter as its all oil rig owned. Its a permanent rig so they have made an oasis in the desert. They have a tennis court, gym, pool, bar and even their own hire car dealership! Mind blowing to the extreme!!! Leaving the luxurious camp only to travel 24hrs of hell to get home was a hard task…. The drive home was also all through the night and I was sad that John wasn’t able to even get a souvenir 😦 The way home was much more eventful and the animals we saw was crazy. Night driving is dangerous especially when you’re driving through unfenced paddocks with black cows randomly appearing. About 10 years ago my dad hit a black horse as he came over a ridge. Thankfully he was ok but the poor horse died. It destroyed the truck though. Dodging cows and horses in the dark is very difficult. At least roos don’t cause as much damage although 6ft roos are pretty scary. As we got closer to home and out of the desert more wildlife came out to play. John desperately wanted to see a wild emu as he had never seen one in the wild (one of our neighbours used to have an emu farm but seeing them wild is much cooler) and much to his delight we saw not just one but atleast 15. A huge snake lay across the road and although I’m sure he was deadly we were in the middle of nowhere so I doubted he would hurt anything important. A huge eagle, wild cat and echidna later and we couldn’t believe the array of wildlife on the sides of the road. When we finally got home we were completely and utterly exhausted. The energy drinks were wearing off and we were feeling the lack of food, sleep and movement (being stuck in a small cab and driving for that long gives you lots of aches and pains).

Maybe one day we’ll be able to see Aus as casually as any other tourist but for now being paid to get a brief taste of the vastly different environments that this country has to offer will have to be good enough