Ramblings of a Young Aussie Writer

A writer lost in her own imagination

Love You More, Love You Most – A mum post — November 7, 2019

Love You More, Love You Most – A mum post

I’ve always heard people say that you’ll never love anything as much as you love your child, and that it’s a ‘different kind of love’ but I’ve always brushed it off. Then I had a small human. It took too long of a time to get this little creature but finally she’s earthside. And I kind of get it now.

We all have personality qualities that can be fantastic but terrible or even undesirable. I may be known to be fiery (I like to say passionate), unrivalled stubbornness and the word drama queen has been thrown around a few times. Then I had a child and suddenly there’s a mini me in the world. Sorry not sorry….

My fiery, stubborn princess is a force to be reckoned with (already!) and I adore her sass. She was tiny and only now is starting to get near average size for her age but how the hell her huge personality fits in such a tiny package, I’ll never know. I adore this wild little girl who loves me unconditionally (whilst simultaneously throwing food at me) BUT back we come to the love topic.

I was so scared I’d love my husband less. A terrifying thought because he is my universe. Well, turns out I don’t. It’s stupid how thankful I am for that, yet I am. I want to explain how I don’t believe the unwarranted advice from strangers is not the case at all. It took a good few months of having a new born to realise that I’m a human before I’m a mother. I know many people would chastise me for such a selfish statement but it’s true. There are two sides to me now – the mother, and the human. The mother side of me would burn the world to the ground for my daughter if needed. This is only one side of me, though. I am human. Not really something you can deny. Physically, I have necessary needs in order to function. There are also psychological needs as well, these are no less important (as I have learned). I have dealt with bad postnatal depression and anxiety – no shame, it happens. I nearly destroyed myself trying to function without getting the help I needed. Eventually, when I was nearly broken, I sought help. With the right help, I’m a better mother, wife and overall a better person. Postnatal depression should not be a taboo topic but that’s a story for another day. My husband is and always will be my sun. He is my strength, he picks me up when I’m not sure I can do it all anymore and he’s my rock. To my fiery, wild nature, he is a calm, laid back man.

I love my daughter in an indescribable way but the love I have for my husband has only increased. He is an amazing father and I’m in awe of how he handles our small human when I hit my breaking point. As a mother, I need to always be strong for my daughter, but he is MY strength and allows me to be weak. For that, I am incredibly thankful.

Maybe we shouldn’t be inferring that you will love your partner less once you have a child but instead tell people how your love can only deepen once you bring that tiny human into your lives. I find it more appropriate to say – if you think you can’t love your partner more, just wait until that tiny human makes an appearance.